Comparison with anal sex and debates
Some gay men, or men who have sex with men (MSM) in general, prefer to engage in frotting or other forms of mutual masturbation because they find it more pleasurable or more affectionate than anal sex, to preserve technical virginity, or as safe sex alternatives to anal penetration.[1][10][11][12] This preference has led to some debate in the gay male and MSM community regarding what constitutes "real sex" or the most sensual expression of sexual intimacy. Some frotting advocates consider "two genitals coming together by mingling, caressing, sliding" and rubbing to be sex more than other forms of male sexual activity.[3][13] Other men who have sex with men associate male masculinity with the sexual positions of "tops" and "bottoms" during anal sex.[14]
During anal sex, the insertive partner may be referred to as the top or active partner. The one being penetrated may be referred to as the bottom or passive partner. Those with no strong preference for either are referred to as versatile.[12][15] Some frotting advocates insist that such roles introduce inequality during sexual intimacy, and that frotting is "equal" because of mutual genital-genital stimulation. The lack of mutual genital stimulation and role asymmetry has led other frotting advocates to denounce anal sex as degrading to the receptive partner.[1][3][13] This view of dominance and inequality associated with sex roles is disputed by researchers who state that it is not clear that specific sexual acts are necessarily indicative of general patterns of masculinity or dominance in a gay male relationship, and that, for both partners, anal intercourse can be associated with being masculine.[14] Additionally, some frotting advocates, such as Bill Weintraub, are concerned with diseases that may be acquired through anal sex.[3][16] In a 2005 article in The Advocate, one anal sex opponent said that no longer showing anal sex as erotic would help avoid HIV/AIDS, and opined that some gay men perceived him to be anti-gay when he was only trying to keep gay and bisexual men alive and healthy.[1]
Gay men, and MSM in general, who prefer anal sex may view it as "[their] version of intercourse"[17] and as "the natural apex of sex, a wonderful expression of intimacy, and a great source of pleasure."[11] Psychologist Walt Odets said, "I think that anal sex has for gay men the same emotional significance that vaginal sex has for heterosexuals."[1] Anal sex is generally viewed as vanilla sex among MSM,[18] and is often thought to be expected, even by MSM who do not prefer the act.[13] "Some people like [anal] because it seems taboo or naughty," stated author and sex therapist Jack Morin. "Some people like the flavor of dominance and submission... some don't."[17]
MSM who defend the essential validity of anal sex have rejected claims made by radical frotting advocates. Others have at times disparaged frottage as a makeshift, second-rate form of male/male intimacy—something better left to inexperienced teenagers and "closeted" older men.[6] Odets said, "No one would propose that we initiate a public health measure by de-eroticizing vaginal sex. It would sound like a ridiculous idea. It's no less ridiculous for gay men."[1]
HuffPost contributor and sexologist Joe Kort proposed the term side for gay men who are not interested in anal sex and instead prefer "to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other," viewing "sides" as simply another gay male sexual preference akin to being a top, bottom or versatile, and adding that "Whether a man enjoys anal sex or not is no reflection on his sexual orientation, and if he's gay, it doesn't define whether or not he's 'really' having sex."[19]
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